Worth It
by mistycrow
Summary: Having a shinki is good – companions for an eternity, bundles of joy, someone who will always help you out, your best friend and your family. But sometimes you just want to choke them or throw them out of the window, or both.


**AN:** Why does this writer always writes about characters with sleeping problems? Because this writer has sleeping problems!

I hope you enjoy.

 **Summary:** Having a shinki is good – companions for an eternity, bundles of joy, someone who will always help you out, your best friend and your family. But sometimes you just want to choke them or throw them out of the window, or both.

 **Worth It**

The worst part about being a God was the connection you had with your shinki.

Most of the times, it was amazing. Like when your shinki is having a good day and the warmth of his happiness just seeps in your soul and makes you want to smile as well. Or when the said shinki is trying to lighten your mood and you feel how much they care about you. Sometimes when you would fight an ayakashi that was exceptionally hard and you would face an overwhelming wave of protectiveness filling you to the very core and that would be amazing too.

Once in a while, these little bundles of joy would want to make you rip your hair and tie some rocks to your feet and jump off a bridge. It came with the package.

This night was one of those rare times where Yato tried to decide which one of them deserved to be suffocated to death with his pillow; Yukine for constantly turning around in his bed and feeling so nervous that Yato was affected or Yato for not dealing with this nervousness when the sun was still up and he didn't need to sleep as soon as he could.

Now he was lying on his back and looking at the roof of their burrowed room as Yukine turned around on his futon once more. He heard the child let out a long sigh and closed his eyes. He counted to ten before opening them again.

He either dealt with it now or said goodbye to sleep.

"You couldn't sleep?" he said in his nicest voice.

He heard Yukine stop and it was silent in the room for a couple of seconds.

"Yeah…"

His voice was barely more than a murmur and Yato wouldn't have heard it if the only sound in the room wasn't their breaths. Yato crossed his arms beneath his head and tried to get comfortable. He could feel Yukine's heartbeat quickening with anxiousness.

"Why?" he asked when Yukine didn't seem willing to continue. He heard the sheets shuffling and Yukine turning. He saw the tips of a blond hair near the table that kept the light of Yukine's lamp from Yato's side. He considered pushing it away to see his face. He didn't.

"I… I have been…" Yato didn't like the way Yukine hesitated as he talked. It always made him nervous and he dreaded what would come out next. "Thinking…"

"Yeah? About what?"

The light shifted in the room as Yukine played with it absently. "About Hiyori… You know, about how she's going to grow up and all. How she's going to die some day and I'm not sure if…" Yato felt a little pang in his chest.

 _Oh dear Heavens don't cry now,_ he thought as he pinched the bridge of his nose. It was better than Yukine bottling it all in and exploding but it still took its toll on Yato. He was so not in the mood for dealing with an upset teenager.

"Everybody dies Yukine. It's natural."

Yukine was silent for a long time after that and Yato wondered if he said something wrong. He was about to add how Yukine would get over it once it actually happened when the child whispered.

"I just hoped we would all be together, you know… Until the end…" Yukine shifted again. "It wouldn't feel right if one of us wasn't around anymore."

"It would be better if Hiyori were to live a happy life and pass on peacefully," Yato whispered, keeping his voice level with his shinki's. He knew it wasn't easy for Yukine to open up about his feelings and he didn't want to ruin the mood.

He also didn't want to speak too loud and disperse any chance of them going back to sleep – which was as important as Yukine's problems. Sleep was the remedy for every problem.

"You're right," he murmured. "I want her to be happy."

"Me too," Yato admitted. "Where did this come from anyway?"

"It's just…" Yukine shifted under his blanket again and went back to playing with his lamp. "I've been thinking. She's growing older and she's changing. But we're not. It's like she's running while we're still stuck in the same place." He stopped playing with the lamb. He stayed silent for a few seconds after speaking in a softer voice. "I wonder when she'll stop seeing us."

Yato wondered the same thing too. He wondered when the human girl who believed in him will forget about him. It had already happened before. They were lucky to have turned it back.

He glanced at his shrine and smiled slightly.

"She promised she won't forget about us."

He heard Yukine sigh. He didn't believe that. Yato didn't believe that. At some point, Hiyori was bound to forget. But it was a nice lie to pretend as the truth, so they did.

"What will happen when she dies?" was Yukine's question. Yato shuddered a little and didn't answer. "What will happen if they kill your father?" Yukine went on. His voice was a bit higher now and Yato's chest had started to hurt. Yukine was getting worried; he was afraid of the possibilities.

"What happens if you die?" Yukine asked when Yato didn't say anything.

"I don't know," the not-so-much God of Calamity answered. "I'm not sure what happens to a hafuri after their master die. I never saw it happening. I suppose normally they would stick around for a reincarnation but it's a bit tricky. A hafuri pledges loyalty to that specific God. I don't know if it covers the reincarnation too."

One word stayed hanging in the room as Yato stopped talking. _Normally_. What would happen in Yato's case? Would Yukine die? Would he be forced to turn into a stray?

The thought of Yukine becoming another God's shinki made Yato want to choke someone. Preferably himself but anyone would suffice.

Yukine must have thought of the same thing but he didn't say anything. Instead, he let out a big sigh and kicked his sheets. Yato could see his legs trying to wrap the blanket around his small figure and smiled.

"I'm cold," Yukine declared in a loud voice and let out a longer sigh. The conversation was over; Yukine was getting more worried and anxious by second and he didn't want to cause any problems. Yato appreciated the shinki's efforts greatly. "Do we have a spare blanket?"

Yato craned his neck around. "No, I don't see any."

Yukine huffed. Then he turned some more. And some more.

"Hey, quit making so much noise," Yato grunted. "You're keeping me awake."

"It's not my fault we don't even have a blanket! It's your fault. You're the one who is penniless and broke and you still insist on giving your money away for things we don't even need!" Yato was about to protest when Yukine sat up in bed and peered over him above the table. "I saw that charm you bought. How much was it?"

"You sound like a nagging wife," Yato groaned and turned his back towards Yukine.

That sake in the corner looked so inviting at that moment. He could feel his sleep drifting away with each second. He sat up when he felt something hard hit his head.

"Hey! What –" He turned to see one of Yukine's textbooks lying near his pillow. "What did you do that for?"

Yukine crossed his arms and gave him his deadliest gaze. "You need to stop paying tons of money for things we don't need and start keeping them for things we do need. Like a spare blanket! I can't sleep because it's too cold in here!"

"But why did you wake me up as well?"

"I didn't wake you up!"

"You kept turning and turning and you were so nervous. Did you really think I would be able to sleep when your anxiousness was filling my ears?"

Yukine opened his mouth to say something but he closed it again. He looked at Yato for a while and he thought he saw the child blush before the shinki let himself fall back on his futon and covered his head with his blanket. He heard a distant murmur.

"What? What did you say?" Yato moved closer to Yukine's side to hear it.

"I said," Yukine opened the blanket enough for Yato to hear his muffled answer. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you."

He sighed and rubbed his face with his hand. These teenage mood swings was too much for him. He was too old and too tired for dealing with these things. Why couldn't Yukine be an old, responsible and calm man like Ebisu's guide?

He watched as the mop of blond hair disappeared under the covers.

Yukine was trying really hard not to hurt Yato with his emotions. He had changed a lot ever since the day Yato picked him up a year ago. A year… Yato looked outside at the sky and smiled. It has been a year since Yukine became his shinki and he didn't have any intention of leaving. Even if his friend left… _It wouldn't feel right if one of us wasn't there._ Yukine didn't plan on leaving Yato. He was going to stay around.

The least he could do was show some patience with these rare moods. He could be a good father. He knew what _not_ to do after all.

He got up and leaned under the table to take out his hidden sake. Then he moved to Yukine's side of the room and sat beside his shinki's legs. Yukine peered at him from under his cocoon.

"What are you doing?" he asked hesitantly.

"Get up," he patted his shoulder. The shinki looked at him warily but did as he said. He saw the sake bottle as he sat up and frowned.

"If you're planning on getting drunk, do it on your side."

Yato smirked and pulled Yukine closer by his elbow. "Come over, I want you to take a gulp."

"What?" Yukine's eyes grew wide as he looked at Yato.

"I want you to try it. It's not like I'm going to let you take more than one gulp; I don't care if you're forever going to be a teenager or not, you're still a child and I'm not having you drink alcohol." He opened the bottle and gave it to Yukine. "But you can take a gulp once in a while."

Yukine awkwardly took the bottle and sniffed. "Ugh, it smells bad," he groaned and looked at Yato. "Why do you want me to drink it?"

"Because it tastes bad and it burns your throat and I want you to drink it." He put his hand on Yukine's back. "Go on."

His shinki gave a ridiculous look before rolling his eyes in a matter that made Yato practically hear him say _why do I even bother with this_ and took a tentative gulp. Then he made a face and pushed the bottle back to Yato.

"It tastes awful!"

Yato laughed and drank a little bit. "Yeah, it does."

"Why did you want me to do that? Punishment?" Yukine made a noise and looked around for water. He looked back at Yato when the God drank more. "Why do _you_ drink it if you think it's awful?"

"Because it's not for the pleasure it brings that I drink it," Yato said as he put the bottle down. He could feel the alcohol burning his throat. "It's because it gives me something else to focus on. It calms me down when I have a lot of problems or when I can't sleep. It's something that makes me forget things for a little while."

Yukine crossed his legs and turned towards Yato completely. "What are you saying?" He looked down at the blanket and didn't meet Yato's eyes. "That I should forget too? You always told me not to keep them inside and share them with you so I…"

"I did and I still want you to do that." Yato turned as well and crossed his arms on his legs. He leaned forward and put his head on his arms, looking at Yukine. "Sometimes there are things I don't share with you," he said quietly. Yukine looked up at him. "Things I use sake to solve, or simply forget. Sometimes these things keep me awake at nights but I can't wake you up. I can't share them with you."

 _Because if I do, you'll either leave or you'll become what Sakura has become._

"I know it's hard to keep your feelings inside you and hide them from others. I know how much it hurts and tires you. I don't want you to hide them from me, not ever. I also don't want you to apologize for letting your feelings out." He put his hand on Yukine's shoulder, squeezing it tightly. "I don't want you to seek sake as a way out or try to bury them under the covers. I want you to talk to me, like you did tonight. Do you understand it?"

Yukine bit his lower lip. He looked at Yato for a little while before nodding. Yato felt something tug at his heart; there was something else that bothered Yukine now. _Great_.

"You know…" His shinki began but stopped. He looked away.

"What?" Yato urged him.

Yukine gripped the sheets and twisted them in his hands. "You can do it too." He wrapped the sheet around his fingers. "Tell me… When you're having a problem I mean. You can tell me if it bothers you so much." He gulped and nervously tugged at the sheets. "It's better than sake anyway."

Yato chuckled. "There are some things that I can't tell you," he said silently as he took his hand away. He turned to push the bottle further towards the table so that Yukine wouldn't accidentally hit it in his sleep. "Divine problems and all. But if it's something that I can, I will." He looked at Yukine and smiled widely. "Thanks."

He was blushing for real now. Yato tried not to laugh as Yukine nodded and laid down on the futon, turning his back towards Yato. "I'll go back to sleep now. Sorry for waking you up."

"Hey," Yato said as he grabbed Yukine's shoulder and turned him around. "Told you not to say sorry." He smirked and pulled the blankets away.

"What are you – Yato!" Yukine shrieked as Yato tickled his sensitive side. "Come on, it's not fair!" he yelled as he tried to kick Yato away, his laughs filling the room. "Yato please!"

Yato let out a laugh and kept tickling the child. He was thrashing and laughing and Yato loved seeing him like this. He didn't like it when Yukine was moody and sad. It affected him too and it wasn't just because of the connection they shared.

He cared a lot about his shinki and he didn't want to see him sad.

He chuckled when Yukine struggled to breathe, still laughing and clutching at Yato's wrists. He let go of his shinki and plopped down beside him. Yukine took deep breaths and looked at Yato. He was still smiling as he pointed his finger in his face.

"Don't do it. Ever. Again."

"Why? It's so much fun!" Yato pouted. Yukine groaned and pushed his face away with his hand.

"I feel like I'm being molested. Go back to your own futon."

Yato laughed. "Come on, you liked it. You're still smiling, I can see it."

Yukine kicked Yato's legs and pushed him away. "I'm not! Now move away before I choke you."

"I know you love me."

"Eww, gross Yato!" Yato felt a pillow hit his head as he sat up and laughed. "Go away you disgusting and useless creep. No wonder why Hiyori doesn't answer you messages."

"Hey, don't involve Hiyori in this!" Yato got up and pointed a finger at Yukine. He leaned down to get the sake bottle. "She loves me too. She's just busy with school, that's all."

"Are you sure it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you sent her three hundred messages in one day? All the while you were stalking her? On her free day? Which she was spending with her friends and asked you to stay away?"

"Of course it doesn't!" Yato whined and put the bottle where it belonged. "She just couldn't find the time to look at her phone."

He heard Yukine snort. "Yeah, right."

Yato got under his covers and let out a sigh. "It would be awesome if we went to a vacation sometime. Somewhere we haven't been to before. Maybe we could go abroad…"

"No we can't," Yukine deadpanned.

"No we can't," Yato agreed. "But it would be great."

"Yeah…" Yato heard Yukine sigh and turn around. Then it was silent.

Yato closed his eyes and pulled his arm under his head. He hugged his pillow and got ready to sleep.

"Hey Yato?"

It took every ounce of his willpower not to jump over and choke the shinki with his pillow. What did he want now? Share more of his feelings? Scold him some more on money? Share his dream? Drink more sake? Ask him where the babies come from?

"Thanks."

Yato's eyes shot open and he stared at the table. He could feel Yukine's calmness and happiness in his chest. He knew how sincere he was. He felt Yukine slowly sink into a peaceful sleep and felt a smile tug at his lips.

"Anytime kid," he whispered to Yukine, knowing very well that he had fallen asleep. After all, it was all worth it.

He fell into a deep sleep. And if he dreamed about Hiyori and kept reciting love poems to his pillow, Yukine didn't mention it.


End file.
